Toward Healthy Tensions

Toward Healthy Tensions - PDF Attached

Baton Rouge Youth Ministers’ Workshop, January 2011

Mike Patin, [email protected]

1. Be brutal about regularly naming expectations.  

• Learn what to hold on to and what to let go of.
• Kill the “automatic pilot”. Reduce the amount of “self-created hell.”  Ease off  from "importance martyrdom.”
• Accept your limitations.
• Learn ways to re-negotiate and cut other people’s expectations of you.

2. Realize that working toward health in the areas of your life is usually multifaceted and ongoing.  (that is, there are few/no shortcuts)

• Alleviate or diminish stressors.
• Start with small, “winnable” areas of success/movement/growth. (“Small steps, taken consistently, over time, yield big results.”)
• If you cannot change the situation (supervisors, key players, budget, policy), learn skills to deal with this situation. (Empowerment is often more helpful than resignation and cynicism.)  In other words, what do you need to learn?  What skills could you develop to handle the realities better?
• Be patient when failure or distraction pulls you to extremes.  Recognizing the distraction is a call to ongoing conversion. 

3. Develop intentional  relationships of accountability.

• Cultivate deep friendships.  Form study, prayer, social support groups.
• “Specific” and “scheduled” are better than random and vague.
• Don’t wait for the “perfect” solution or program.  Don’t blame the Church, bishop, assignment, family….create something.